Vegemite. What exactly is it? The label proclaims ‘concentrated yeast extract’, as if yeast extract is some impressive culinary pleasure we all know and love. Whatever ‘concentrated yeast extract’ is, Vegemite is an Australian tradition that we’ve embraced. We all grew up on it, and at a young age we feed it to the next generation. In time their tastebuds desensitise, and before long they’ve developed a palette that can handle ridiculous amounts of salt in such a small serve.

International tourists, on the other hand, can’t get their head around Vegemite. No matter how much you remind them it’s not going to taste like Nutella, they’re still expecting a salty version of Nutella. So how did Vegemite become a part of Australian culture?

(Well, I’m not actually going to do research into it as I’m no journalist, more of a footballer that can operate Microsoft Word.)

Australian Rules football has it’s own versions of Vegemite. They are inexplicable aspects of our game that have somehow become traditions. I’ve got no understanding of how they did so, but for some reason they’ve stuck.

Allow me to set the scene. Someone is lining up for goal. It’s the opposition’s full forward and if he kicks this your team will lose, finish the season ninth, and you’ll owe your mate $50 because his team is going to finish above yours on the ladder. What do you yell out to put the full forward off?

“Chewy on your boot!”

Exactly, what is the intent here? Is it to scare the full forward into thinking that the ball would hit the chewy and ricochet off at right angles? (I learned the word ‘ricochet’ off Dennis Cometti.) Or is the idea that the ball would stick to the chewy and get stuck to the full forward’s foot, making a fool of him in the process. Jesse White is no rocket scientist, but even he understands that if somehow some hubba-bubba got on his boots, this would do little to send his kick astray. So why yell it out? I’m left with more questions on the topic than answers, similar to the last time I spoke to Lewis Johnston about his hair.

Another tradition. We have a good win, so what do we do to celebrate? We stand around at the end of the game and sing a song. Arm-in-arm, we put our macho male egos on hold for a few minutes while 22 men who have no right whatsoever to sing in public scream out a few bars of the Club song… usually on prime time TV! How did this start?

Much like Vegemite, I’m perplexed as to how some of our traditions originated. Yes, I used the word perplexed. We’ve got some great traditions in our game, but similar to the term ‘lukewarm’, I can’t explain how it became commonplace.

All I know is that someone invented Vegemite, and one day someone must have thought that it would be a good idea to yell out 'chewy on your boot'. One way or another, people keep doing these things, and before you know it full forwards are having to listen to defenders yell stupid things at them, and I’m having concentrated yeast extract for breakfast and enjoying it.

Ted ‘Vidic’ Richards