Instead, he’ll tell them how he had to settle for a draw in the 2011 opener against Melbourne at the MCG.
"It’s terrific, isn’t it?" Longmire said with feigned enthusiasm.
"The hairline might have crept back a bit," he added, after a match the Swans led for all but a few minutes.
"The reality is you get two points out of it," he said. "We did some things well but it gives us a fair bit to work on as well."
He was primarily referring to contested possessions. The Swans pride themselves on their hard bodies in the middle, with the likes of Ryan O’Keefe, Josh Kennedy and Jude Bolton.
But they were beaten 158-122 in the key stat, with Longmire preferring a stronger description, saying his side was "smashed" by the Demons in that respect.
"I think they were hard at it and fairly ferocious and were a bit better than us," he said.
"We’ll learn from it, but we’ll need to get it in a bit quicker than we did today."
Bolton ended up as the main leading target in the second half with three goals, but the coach would like to see him back in the midfield and for his tall forwards, Sam Reid, Adam Goodes - both prominent early - and Jesse White to collect more marks.
"It helps if you can take contested marks and have a shot at goal," Longmire said. "We just need to make sure those blokes grab it a bit more."
Longmire's views on issues such as the substitution rule were canvassed post-match, as well as playing extra-time after a draw.
The Swans went with second ruckman Mark Seaby as their sub and brought him on early in the last quarter.
Longmire said it will take several weeks for the strategy behind the substitution rule to take shape and said he was happy not to have extra-time.
"Although when we had the ball pinned inside our 50 for the last few minutes I’d have liked the match to have gone on for a bit longer," he admitted.
Longmire said the main difference between being an assistant coach and the main man was the amount of information to absorb.
"In the past, I was the one passing most of it on to 'Roosy'. Now, it’s all coming back the other way and I’m the one who has to make the final call once I have it."
