The Hype:
Embrace it, people. Our beloved Bloods have qualified for the final match of the season for the third time in five years – phenomenal. This truly is a week to savour. With the majority of coverage surrounding the match focusing on our opposition’s fairytale run, we’ve had a low-key approach away from the spotlight. This is how we like it.

But hang on, Buddy’s tearing the finals apart, Heeney’s flying, Joey’s immovable, Parks is an animal and Hanners is irrepressible. Our mosquito fleet of Papley, McGlynn and Rohan are zippy, zealous and bloody dangerous. Get excited, paint your face, the lid is off! Up the Bloods!

Excuse me, I need to lie down.

Right, I’m back. Where was I? Is it Saturday afternoon yet?

The Dream:
Every kid has a dream. When I was six years old, I grew an incredible mullet because I dreamed I was Peter Sterling. That dream was shattered when being called ‘Josephine’ by a lady I’d never met, shook the foundations of my very being. The mullet was swiftly snipped. My sister dreamed of marrying cricket ‘heartthrob’ David Boon. I have a mate who dreamed of being a stuntman. Different kids, different dreams, I guess. While not every Swan would’ve dreamt of holding the premiership cup aloft as a young boy, they’ll all be dreaming of that very moment this week – showered in red and white confetti while the photographers swarm – a sight to behold.

The Plan:
While thousands of the Bloods brethren will be descending on the MCG this Saturday, many thousands of others will be scrambling to make Grand Final day arrangements. For the first time in our recent history, I will not be there on the big day. There aren’t many feasible reasons for missing such an occasion, but Mum’s 60th is certainly one of them – she’s a gem. I’ll be among my flock, unequivocally immersed in all things red and white, surrounded by love and glued to the box. If you are party going on Saturday, beware of the know-all hipster who has recently boarded the Bulldog bandwagon – it’s an epidemic. Tell them to bugger off and stand your ground – it’s ok to be a Swan.

The Preparation:
Our boys have held their open training session, donned the penguin suits for their Brownlow event and all the rest of it. Their mind is on the game. As a supporter, preparations must focus on taking your mind off the game – you’ll go bloody mad if you don’t! To calm the nerves, try watching an inspirational movie, filled with heartening montages. Teen Wolf would be a fine choice. The film stars Michael J. Fox as a regular high school basketballer who discovers that his family has an unusual pedigree when he finds himself transforming mid-match into a slam-dunking werewolf. He really does get up to all kinds of mischief. If that doesn’t tickle your fancy, find a Hawks supporter and ask them what they’re up to this weekend – that should be good for a laugh.

The Tactics:
Fast starts have been the trademark of the 2016 Swans. The past two finals have seen us storm from the gates, kicking seven first-quarter goals in each. If this happens on Saturday - happy days. The Sons of the West will fight and scrap for every inch of territory however and we’ll need to be at our ballistic best. The intensely high Bloods pressure will reach record levels and all things good will stem from this. We’re at our best when we swarm in packs and run in waves. This will no doubt be the plan and isn’t it just great when a plan comes together?


The Coach:
Change is often required when the core structure may no longer be groundbreaking. This was the case after a disappointing end to 2015 and John Longmire sought change – this is the house that Horse built. It takes intricate planning in order to achieve the level of detail so relevant to the style. And his style is proven. But to be remarkable, a preparedness to tinker with design is essential. This season, Horse created a modern reinterpretation of football from a period in time that inspired a red and white revolution. With our masterful coach at the helm, all Swans are looking forward to this next development, the next phase of something memorable and meaningful. May this begin on Saturday.

The Roadblocks:
In the off-season of 2013 the Swans acquired the services of Kurt Tippett. In the off-season of 2014, the Swans pulled off a miraculous recruiting coup, signing Buddy Franklin - the AFL approved both contracts. Every player on the Swans’ list received 9.8% of their entire contract as a Cost of Living Allowance at the time. This was compulsory. However, due to the subsequent community meltdown and with equalisation at the forefront of footy discussion, the AFL informed the Sydney Swans the COLA would indeed be phased out. The Swans complied and the reward for compliance? A two-year ban from trading players. Imagine if we still made the Grand Final despite these completely unjustified roadblocks? Now, that would be outrageous.

The Bloods:
Where do we start? Oh, I know – let’s start with the most exciting clutch of cygnets the club has ever seen – Heeney, Mills, Aliir, Jones, Hewett, Naismith, Richards, Lloyd and Papley have all been influential. Let’s continue with Mills the Rising Star and Heeney the Coaches Association’s Young Player of the Year. Let’s follow that up with our five All-Australians - Rampe, Hannebery, Kennedy, Parker and Franklin. The likes of McVeigh, Jack, Grundy and Smith form a rock-solid core. It’s a collective that represents a powerful present and a fantastic future. Youth and fervour will provide the red and white faithful with moments of exhilaration this week and perhaps even moments of circumvention, but be sure to strap yourselves in for the ride. I’m convinced that this next wave is gaining unstoppable momentum, with its occupants paddling like mad.

The Prediction:
Simple. Our Sydney Swans will be premiers. Run amok!