The last thing I want to do after a loss, especially a loss like this one, is to have to write about it.

But putting pen to paper can certainly be cathartic.

At the beginning of the year when Footy Almanac allocated this game to me for the Swans website, From the Outer, I thought to myself "Good, that should be a good win for our boys".

A couple of days ago, prior to the game, I was so optimistic about the result that I started writing my story. The article was full of joy and happiness, with Cheer Cheer ringing around the ground as the siren sounded.

How foolish and arrogant I was.

I'd even made a comment on the Swans Facebook page during the week, saying: We simply mustn't take the Suns lightly - or any other team for that matter! Each week brings up unbelievable upsets and we don't want to be on the end of one of those....!

I have never criticised my footy team. Never, in over 68 years. And I never will. (Sure, I've had tantrums and uttered all sorts of profanities over the years, but that's not criticism). I have never booed my footy team either (unlike some supporters on Saturday). I have expressed extreme happiness and extreme sadness over the years – all par for the course for a devoted fan – and this game against the Suns has left me sad, to say the least.

What on earth went wrong? Thirty minutes of brilliant footy, then nothing!

It simply wasn't our day.

Maybe the only way to make any sense of this loss is to accept that it was just one of those games that has to now be forgotten; learn from it and move on. That is what good teams do. And we are certainly a good team.

My original footy article about this game started off with a lead-up story. That has been thrown out with the bath water now, and quite inappropriate, given the result. However, as footy is a lifelong commitment, not just a win or a loss, the sentiments in the story still apply – with a little artistic licence thrown in! So, I'm relating it nonetheless:

For days, leading up to a game, my mind races from one Swans footy memory to another. Decades of them. And those memories often influence how I write about a match.

Footy, for me, is far more than the current game and the position on the ladder, or future projections. And it's not purely about my beloved team (although I have to admit I can be a tad biased at times!).  When I put pen to paper I like to relate anecdotes and reminiscences of times past, and to incorporate those experiences into the article. Most AFL teams have a long and varied history, and my memory-bank is full to overflowing.

However, walking to the SCG on Saturday to face the Suns I was at a loss to recall my personal involvement in the history between the two teams.

Then, hours later, a memory surfaced. A Suns memory. Not historic really, but red and white-related nevertheless.

It was back in 2015, when we played them at Metricon Stadium. Marshall and I had driven SWANZ (my car) to Queensland for the game and having not been there since the old Carrara days, I was impressed with the distinctly golden-orangey-reddish-Queensland-sunshine hue of the new stadium. But what impressed me the most were the women's toilets! They were a stunning red and white. The walls, the ceiling, the doors, the lot! So new and shiny and delightfully red and white. I remember having a big smile on my face.

It doesn't take much: just the sight of red and white – anywhere – and the smile forms and the heart skips!

The story had stopped there, anticipating more smiles and jolly words as it came to its conclusion. But, alas, those will have to wait for another time.

Despite this loss, one thing is for sure: no matter what, I'll be jumping into SWANZ again in a few days for another road trip to Melbourne to cheer on my beloved team as they take on Essendon. Isn't that what true believers are for? Support, no matter what, win or lose!

Go Bloods! 

Jan Courtin, a passionate lifelong Swans fan, moved to Sydney to be closer to her team in 1999. In the same year that her book My Lifelong Love Affair with The Swans was launched by the Swans, she was chosen "Female Fan of the Year" by the AFL Fans Association. Her book is available via her website: http://www.myswansloveaffair.com/